Unkind feelings cause us to judge other people, but very often the act of judging people itself causes us to have unkind feelings towards them, and the more unkind the feelings, the more we judge them.
Don’t judge, so that you won’t be judged. For with whatever judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with whatever measure you measure, it will be measured to you. Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but don’t consider the beam that is in your own eye? Or how will you tell your brother, “Let me remove the speck from your eye,” and behold, the beam is in your own eye? You hypocrite! First remove the beam out of your own eye, and then you can see clearly to remove the speck out of your brother’s eye.
— Matthew 7:1–5
One of the most common and widespread superstitions is the superstition that everyone has their own particular quality, that a person can be kind, mean, clever, stupid, hot-headed, cold, etc. People are not like that.
We can say about a person that he is more often kind than mean, more often clever than stupid, more often hot-headed than cold, and vice versa, but it would be untrue if we said about one person that he is always kind or clever, and about another that he is always mean and stupid. But that is how we always divide people. And it is not right.
You see your neighbor’s failings but you do not know that, perhaps, one of his deeds was more pleasing to God than the whole of your life. Even if your neighbor had the misfortune to fall, you did not see the tears which he had previously spilled, nor the consequent repentance, and while God, the witness of his sorrow and grief, had already exonerated him, you still keep condemning him.
— From “Devout Thoughts”
If there is enmity between two people, then both are at fault. No matter the amount you multiply by zero, you will get zero. So if enmity has been produced, then the enmity has been present in both of the opposing parties.
If a quarrel had broken out between two people, then, even though the degree of blame may vary considerably, both of the people quarreling are certainly at fault. For when one side behaves with complete integrity, it is just as impossible for a quarrel to flare up as it is impossible for a match to light up against a completely smooth surface, such as a mirror.
— B.
Remember well and keep in mind at all times that a human being will always do what he thinks is best for him. If it is indeed best for him, then he is right, but if he is mistaken, then he is the one who will suffer, because every delusion is followed by suffering.
Keep this in mind at all times and you will never get angry at anyone, nor feel indignant, you will not reproach anyone, nor scold or quarrel with anyone.
— Epictetus
As you live with someone close to you, it is a good idea to agree to stop each other whenever one of you begins judging a neighbor.
